A Running Mom

I noticed something when my daughter was being bullied by one of her best friends. It was simply this: a lot of the parents I know were kinda bullying each other.

Think I’m crazy? It’s not that these parents were knocking into each other or making obvious attempts to make others feel left out, alone or insulted (although I know a few parents who behave that way, too! Jeesh!) No, these parents were all about talking about other families, kids or individuals in a really unkind manner. The thing that struck me, was that my daughter brought it to my attention.

“Why doesn’t Mrs. So-N-So like Mrs. So-N-So,” she asked me.

“Why don’t you think she likes her,” I asked.

“Because, she’s always talking about her,” said my daughter.

That’s when it hit me. Mrs. So-N-So was a bully! She had a way of talking about any person who walked away from a conversation that made everyone feel just a tad uncomfortable. We, the group of friends who share a friendship with the bully, just listen and put up with it. To me, it highlights how that person probably talks about me when I walk away from a conversation. Fine. I couldn’t care less. Talk away.

But what I hadn’t realized, and the part that startled me, was that my daughter, at age 12, noticed it and it bugged her. So by chatting with this woman; by being “friends” with this woman; I wondered, was I teaching my daughter that bullying was ok?

How do we, as adults, deal with bullies? Was I acting like a bully, too, then?

So I started to think about it. We are all modeling behavior as parents. Whether we are trying to or not, whatever we’re doing on a daily basis, we’re showing our kids an example. It’s a stresser, isn’t it?

I used that situation to talk to my daughter about how people are all different, and that the skills she learned to deal with her friend who was bullying her, are skills that will enhance her ability to have great friendships throughout her life.

She understood this point immediately.

“You have some really great friends, Mom,” she said.

And so this is how I could tell that my daughter was growing up. Her experience with bullying, in a way, helped her distinguish between those great friends that we all have and the other friends we socialize with. She could see the difference between my true friends vs. the variety of people that come in and out of our life, who we enjoy on an entirely different level.

But it made me think, too. Am I helping to encourage that bullying behavior by not addressing it as an adult? In a way, am I empowering bullying?

So, think about it. Do you do the same thing? Without meaning it, are you a bully?

That’s enough to send me on a 6-mile run! Off I go!

May your next run be a good one.

Rebecca

Photo Credit: iTwixie.com

Character: Character is a set of behavior traits that define what sort of person an individual is. It determines whether a person will effectively achieve goals, be forthright in dealing with others and will obey the laws and rules of the group. Although character is related to personality, it is not the same thing. Personality is primarily inborn traits, while character consists of learned behavior. Both may vary with the situation or circumstances.

Aren’t these girls fabulous? They are full of joy, happiness and are showing off their unique character. Sure they’re dressed up for Halloween — but they aren’t dressed in skimpy outfits, as divas or in the new wave of costume that tries to make our girls look like adults. They’re dressed up as football players! Very cool! Full of character!

To me, character is in crisis today. As a society we do not focus enough on helping to develop character in our budding leaders for tomorrow. This development has to begin early and continue through the pre-adolescent years, because by high school, much of this development must be in place to help our high schoolers make quality choices.

Instead of character development, it seems that our world is much more into complaining about stuff and focussing on appearances. In fact, as a society, we focus so much on appearances, that is it any wonder that our impressionable, young girls are finding themselves in crisis over how they look? Today we have a record number of a few, startling achievements: a record number of tween girls suffering from depression, eating disorders and contemplation of suicide.

Trouble is, there are numerous organizations out there who believe the problem is that our girls have low self esteem.

Maybe that is part of the problem. And, indeed, part of the solution.

But what if, maybe, the trouble starts with each adult today who has dropped the ball in aiding in the character development of our girls?

Regardless of whether or not you agree with me on that one, you will find this next thought challenging at the least and worth trying — TODAY — at the most!

Make TODAY the day that you DO something that empowers YOU and your daughter!

Start these TODAY:
- Stop gossiping at all, but especially in front of your daughter.
- Compliment your daughter on something she has done today, instead of how she looks.
- Do not mention one flaw of yours in front of your daughter.
- Start a meaningful project that your daughter can do as well, such as writing letters to the troops, collecting food for the hungry or designing a new way to collect paperboard for recycling in your home.
- Take 20 minutes and use them to make you and your daughter STRONGER: Lift some weights, or go for a walk or run, or take the Lunge Challenge on iTwixie.com with your daughter — this just might be the start to a whole new and stronger you and stronger daughter.

Well?

I’m no longer accepting comments on this blog, as I began to receive thousands everyday by some new friends representing a broad array of nonsense products. So, alas, until I install better filtering, please send your comments to my up and coming facebook page: A Running Mom!

May your next run be a good one.
Rebecca