A Running Mom

I noticed something when my daughter was being bullied by one of her best friends. It was simply this: a lot of the parents I know were kinda bullying each other.

Think I’m crazy? It’s not that these parents were knocking into each other or making obvious attempts to make others feel left out, alone or insulted (although I know a few parents who behave that way, too! Jeesh!) No, these parents were all about talking about other families, kids or individuals in a really unkind manner. The thing that struck me, was that my daughter brought it to my attention.

“Why doesn’t Mrs. So-N-So like Mrs. So-N-So,” she asked me.

“Why don’t you think she likes her,” I asked.

“Because, she’s always talking about her,” said my daughter.

That’s when it hit me. Mrs. So-N-So was a bully! She had a way of talking about any person who walked away from a conversation that made everyone feel just a tad uncomfortable. We, the group of friends who share a friendship with the bully, just listen and put up with it. To me, it highlights how that person probably talks about me when I walk away from a conversation. Fine. I couldn’t care less. Talk away.

But what I hadn’t realized, and the part that startled me, was that my daughter, at age 12, noticed it and it bugged her. So by chatting with this woman; by being “friends” with this woman; I wondered, was I teaching my daughter that bullying was ok?

How do we, as adults, deal with bullies? Was I acting like a bully, too, then?

So I started to think about it. We are all modeling behavior as parents. Whether we are trying to or not, whatever we’re doing on a daily basis, we’re showing our kids an example. It’s a stresser, isn’t it?

I used that situation to talk to my daughter about how people are all different, and that the skills she learned to deal with her friend who was bullying her, are skills that will enhance her ability to have great friendships throughout her life.

She understood this point immediately.

“You have some really great friends, Mom,” she said.

And so this is how I could tell that my daughter was growing up. Her experience with bullying, in a way, helped her distinguish between those great friends that we all have and the other friends we socialize with. She could see the difference between my true friends vs. the variety of people that come in and out of our life, who we enjoy on an entirely different level.

But it made me think, too. Am I helping to encourage that bullying behavior by not addressing it as an adult? In a way, am I empowering bullying?

So, think about it. Do you do the same thing? Without meaning it, are you a bully?

That’s enough to send me on a 6-mile run! Off I go!

May your next run be a good one.

Rebecca

Photo Credit: mendelza

Today I ran with my 3 daughters, my son and his friend, and our dog, Lulu.  We went to a nearby park where I love to run.  This was a special run for me for a bunch of reasons: 1. I am sore from my 6-mile run yesterday, so it was good to go for a light run 2. All three of my tween daughers ran with me, for at least a little while 3. It was a gorgeous day for getting outside and doing something physical together

As we were running back through this huge field, kicking a ball to keep us running and pushing each other to run faster, my eldest daughter and I couldn’t stop laughing, as we kept kicking the ball in front of each other and then raced to get to it first. I felt like I was 8 again, playing with my BFF, laughing while catching my breath and running with no form at all; just running to get to where I needed to go. It was bliss.

My son ran so fast he fell into a heap, trying to get to that ball.

It’s a priceless memory for me already, for the perfect mix of sun, fall, laughter and effort.

Do you run with your kids? What are your fave runs to enjoy together?

May your next run be a good one.

Rebecca

I’m often reminded that we live in a tiny world. With the launch of iTwixie.com, I’m getting the rare opportunity to hear from girls all over the globe. It’s amazing to me that regardless of culture, many of these girls struggle with many similar themes. And yet, doesn’t it make sense? If you’re a girl 8-14, aren’t you just bursting with enthusisam, curiosity and the wish to be who you feel you really are deep down inside? And as you find yourself experiencing all kinds of new things, aren’t you realizing yourself that there is even more to you than you thought?

Do you remember what it was like to be a tween?

I started to run when I was a tween. I thought running would help me look a certain way. But over time running became my escape. A pressure release. My challenge. Time alone. A moment of clarity. And at the end of every run I felt that everything was really a lot better than before I had gone on that run.

Thing is, today, our global society puts more pressure on our tween girls than ever. But we don’t have to. We can join forces and foster the development of tween girls no matter where they live. We can help tween girls identify tools for identifying their moments of clarity. Escape. Release. Challenge. We can help them see the world around them in a better light.

iTwixie.com. Join the revolution. Because it is a small world and together we can change it!

May your next run be a good one!
Rebecca

So I took my kids to their class this weekend — the class they take that allows me to run with my favorite person in the world every week — only to find out that my 11-year old’s class was cancelled. With my usual running partner out of town, I got excited. My daughter, one of my most favorite people in the world, too, could keep me company! I really don’t like to run alone. So I asked her if she would. And she laughed and said “Yes!” Yippee!

She grabbed her bike, I grabbed my shoes and off we went. It was a riot. Every uphill had me laughing at her as she pushed her bike up. And every downhill had her harassing me, as she soared past me screaming, weeee! Even with all this passing each other, though, we managed to enjoy a pretty insightful conversation about make-up, of all things. She shocked me. Some girls in school are wearing eye-liner and mascara, making their eyes look really dark, she said. “It gives me the creeps,” she said.

So I asked her about why she thinks they are wearing make-up. And hold on to your seats, she tells me that other girls are getting their hair highlighted. One girl has started wearing blue eye shadow. It’s all making her feel funny, she told me. I asked her, why? She said that she doesn’t like what her friends look like with all of that make-up on. But now she wants to start wearing it, too. Why? I asked. She said she wasn’t sure, but she just feels like it. I said no. Sorry. You’re 11. No.

Can you get over this? C’mon! She’s 11. 6th grade. 

We finished our run/bike ride with a lot of laughs between us. She didn’t say she was disappointed about the whole make-up thing. And I did suggest to her that maybe the girls wearing make-up in her class really just want some attention. Or maybe they’re dying to fit in with some other girl who’s wearing make-up, too. But I was so glad to hear that she has a bunch of friends that don’t wear any make-up at all. Whew!

All-in-all, I was tickled to hear about all of it. I wonder if she would have ever told me if we hadn’t gone for that run/ride. Maybe I’ve just gotten myself a new running partner! Or at least another favorite one.  

Can’t we offer them some really cool ways to get that attention without fostering gobs of make-up of all things?

This morning I found this uber cool organization that I guess started in Boston, called Strong Women Strong Girls. I love it. It’s all about getting strong women together to mentor girls to help maintain a positive, goal-oriented focus in today’s girl. I’ll have to check it out. In the meantime…

Let’s give a high-five to our smart, savvy girls who are beautiful, joyful and full of great ideas. Here’s to you, girls! 

May your next run be a good one.

Rebecca

I have to. And I’m just about to. Waiting for the fight in my house to settle down and for peace to resume so I can sneak it in right now. Here’s what I’m facing this weekend. It’s weekends like this that make me feel more than ever that I simply must get my run in. Even if I have to be sneaky on the treadmill.

Remember, too, that I’m flying solo this weekend. Here’s my list:

1. four kids, one dog

2. big personalities with lots of activity, even while “relaxing”

3. three basketball games

4. one birthday party; one jewelry party

5. one rehearsal for the talent show

6. four practicing piano  

7. one on the double bass

8. one on the clarinet

9. one pair of jeans ripped, last of that size + talent show costumes needed +  someone grew an inch this week = need to shop for clothing

10. four religious ed classes and homework

See why I must run?  

What’s on your list? What do you do to keep yourself sane?

May your next run be a good one. 

Rebecca

No running for me yesterday or today. Fighting a sore throat and feeling tired. So I’m planning a good one for this weekend. Should I try for 6? What’s your strategy after not running for a few days? Go for all you’ve got? Or take it easy and ease back into a good routine?

Would love to hear what works for you.

I have to add some great tunes to yesterday’s post, for all you peeps out there getting fit with your kids. I did hear back from more Twitter friends with more music, so here’s a few with a bunch from Chris Lovett:

unwritten - Natasha Bedinfield
it’s my life - Jon Bon Jovi
treehugged - Kimya Dawson
bye bye bye - NSync
soak up the sun - Cheryl Crow
viva la vida - Coldplay
anything by - David Archuleta

I’m always fighting tight hamstrings. When I do pilates I can’t hardly touch my toes! Check this great bit at the very bottom of this page… and may your next run be a good one.

Rebecca

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