Photo Credit: www.volusia.k12.fl.us
And so the saga continues for my 11 year-old girl. Now she wants to quit activities to avoid a girl who continues to call names, push and make mean comments. Ugh.
I had to go for a fast, 2-miler to think this one through. What to do?
I came up with a plan. I let her bail on one activity, since it’s something she really had outgrown months ago, anyway. And then I sat her down to figure out a few things that have been going on with this girl so she could practice some responses. She and I role-played what to say if the girl pushed her, said something mean or interrupted a conversation. And I sent her off to school. I thought, there she goes. Ready to deal. She has real tools to use against the bully.
I felt good.
But then, as I went about my day, I found myself wondering why this little girl is bullying my daughter. I know that bullies need a victim — someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control. Could this be why?
I wondered, is the girl just acting on how she’s treated at home? Is she mimicking some of the rude, thoughtless characters that seem to fill today’s tv programs? Are we, as a society, allowing more bullying in our schools today, as more and more parents seem to allow disrespectful and rude behavior?
And then I realized that this is going to take a good 10k — or a whole weekend of running — to come up with some good theories. So, to prepare, I spent a few minutes doing a little research. What I found disturbed me. Many tips include telling the child to walk away, ignore the bully, tell a teacher. I’m not sure if these are good tactics for my daughter. She can only walk away, ignore and avoid so much. She’s leaving fun conversation, avoiding activites, etc., and in my opinion, inconvenienced too much just because one little girl is rude, mean-spirited and needs help. I know. My opinion. But really, how can I keep telling my daughter to avoid this girl?
Meanwhile, the new friends my daughter has found bring out joy and laughter in her. I’m delighted. She seems full of life and is enthusiastic about school. She even told me that maybe Bully Girl is going through something; is choosing some tough friends; just isn’t herself. I’m so proud of my daughter for coming to those conclusions on her own.
It’s striking, though, when I look around and see what our society models for our kids. Maybe we’re not doing our job. Maybe what would help, is if we treated each other with a little more kindness, thoughtfulness, patience and understanding. On some level, we all have to admit, we’re pretty nasty to each other, when you consider many sitcoms on tv, reality tv, commercials, radio programming, and even current events stories that fill our nation with negativity.
If we agree that we’re all, each of us, whether we’re a kid, a tween, a teen or an adult, could use a little patience, caring and understanding, then isn’t the first thing we ought to do is reach out and show others these exact traits in ourselves?
Next time you feel like shouting, think about how you could approach the same comment with kindness, especially if some kid is watching. Try and say something positive. Diffuse the situation. Get the other side laughing with you! You may be helping that kid to become more compassionate, too!
May your next run be a good one.
Rebecca
